My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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