i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
