Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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