I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
