he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
