am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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