it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
