I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
