we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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