What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
