I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
