You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
