so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
