i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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