a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
