I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why do cheetos always look like penises
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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