Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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