the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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