sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
