i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
