At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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