Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
