I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
