I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
