Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
