it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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