does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
