...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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