how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
