the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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