She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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