Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
