Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
this is an emotional support booty call
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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