You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
