Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
