That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ladies don't puke and tell
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
