We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
