How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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