It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
