i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
