I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
