I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
