Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
