lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
