she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We just shotgunned beers for America
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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