the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
