im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
