the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
