who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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