I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
