either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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