I seem to have left my pride at pride
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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