Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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