I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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